Yo! Wassup my sexy people. It's ya girl Miss Chrissi and I have a hot discussion topic for ya. As you will come to know, every once in a blue while (every week, LOL), I like to take some time and space out to address some issues that, I don't know, are a little more relevant to us regular folk, you know. I mean jockin' and trashin' celebs is always oodles of fun, but sometimes real life just kicks you in the balls, and you gotta just take a pause you know. (hey that kinda rhymed at the end, LOL)
I digress (shout out to Shanna:). Here's the basis question to the topic above; if you're in a sexual relationship with someone that you have had a romantic history with, at what point is it alright to assume that it's exclusive. Is it easier to make your position clear because you had history with this person and you already know how they'll recieve it, or is it more difficult to dicern the boundaries because you're more prone to fall back in that comfort of the relationship you had before?
I'll open the discussion with a bit of my personal experience. I won't Superhead nobody, so I won't name any names...and for those of you who THINK it's about you, pump the brakes, I'm not that creative. I might've ran the same shit on a couple of you so I'm just gon' put it out there. (I betcha' think this post is about you...LOL) Anywho, being in my 20-somethings I learned that it has become second nature to "lay my cards out" when in comes to the relationships I incounter. That being said, I found myself, more often than not, in casual situations that somehow snowballed it's way into something more, whether I want it to or not. I mean it can be as little as letting someone buy me a drink in the club, and all the sudden, dude is holdin' my hand, following me all over the fuckin' club, even to the bathroom! All that for an Apple Martini and a smile?? It's even gone to just casual fling to a full-on marriage purposal. I'm not exaggerating folks. It's very frustrating because you assume that if you make your intentions clear, then you somehow bypass any complications like...I don't know, expectations. I'll be more specific; I have a go-to phrase when all else fails if I'm in one of these compromising situations, and I call it "My nigga Expectations". Like, how the hell you gon' complain that I don't call you often or talk on the phone long enough? Ain't enough shit in the world WE need to talk about...that's something my nigga' should expect. Or, how you gon' say "You ain't been by to see me in while" when fuckin' gas is 4 DAMN DOLLAS A FUCKIN' GALLON? I know how you look, shit....quality time, that's something my nigga should expect. Or, or, or when you get mad cause you can't spend a night over my house because it's not a good look. Nigga I'm a lady. I can't have some dude I'm talkin' to lay up in my bed, shitting in my bathroom all day, just having free range to my crib...why you mad, you aint my nigga. LOL! See how I sprinkle a little personal experience in there. I'm just saying, if it is what it is, then you shouldn't expect no more than what you get.
Naw, but back to the question above, if you're kicking with someone that you had a past with, is it easier or harder not to fall back in that relationship status. Are your expectations higher or lower. Share your experiences, leave your comments, let me know.
Peace!
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4 comments:
Hey boo, much luv fa the shout out...my comment or rather personal experience when it comes to this topic is that it's harder not to fall back in a relationship status with someone you've jus gotten out of a relationship wit. Me n my x was together for 5 1/2 yrs, n things were getting too complicated - on both ends - so we decided to take a break. My x gon kill me so i'ma summarize our situation, it started off as a break then went to a break up, but as soon as i started talkin to other dudes my x would flip out, poppin up @ the crib, leavin me crazy messages, askin me questions bout them - very detailed questions might i add, etc...we kept tellin everybody we wasn't together but we would still do it all the time, his name is still on the lease, he still has a key to the house, n for the most part we still act like we together we jus don't spend the night wit eachother or as much time together oh n we both kno we're free to talk to other ppl. I luv him so much n we aint never been w/o seein eachother more than a wk since we been together (for 5 1/2 yrs) so to completely jus cut him off kinda aint a option, when u been wit somebody so long u get used to their mannerisms and a void becomes present when the relationship ends. But @ the same time, there was a reason to break up in the first place n if they aint willing to do what needs to be done to rectify it - it leaves u in a lose lose type of situation emotionally! All u can really do is take it one day at a time but from my experience it's hard to stick to your guns when the person involved is someone u have or have had a an intimate n monogamous relationship with. If it was jus some dude i jus met, it wouldn't be no problem to let him go n keep it pushin...that's jus my view on it!
Well "Anonymous" I appreciate you sharing your point of view on this topic. Your take is a little different but along the same lines of this subject matter. You were at a disadvantage because it was a fresh break(up) so a lot of feelings were still there. I'm not saying that's a bad thing cause at the end of it all, you guys couldn't stay away from each other, so that should tell you something. :) I am happy for you and your significant other. You can probably atest to the saying. if it ain't broke don't fix it... just give it a tune up from time to time. HOLLLAAAA!!!
Thx boo, it's been almost 6 mos but it is still fresh...i wanted to add that i believe the roles have changed between men and women. What i mean by this is that now dudes r the ones all n females faces, tryin to hang all over them n kno their every move whereas most women - secure women, who kno what they want out of life n take it - jus go with the flo. I kno i have told some of my new male friends or even b4 me an my x hooked up i remember lettin dudes kno upfront what it is, n they seem to be coo wit it. Then they feelins get caught up, n it's like they forget the previous arrangement...LOL
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